where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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