you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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