Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When did angry sex become our thing?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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