So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
