i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
