like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
