my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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