I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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