On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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