If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
