I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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