It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
