Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
