her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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