Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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