That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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