flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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