So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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