My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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