I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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