so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
