make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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