Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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