Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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