i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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