Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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