does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
