Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
