Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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