so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
