dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
