I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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