cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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