your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
