I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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