I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
