I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
