My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
