There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
