Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
