he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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