RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
