His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
