Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
