I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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