pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
