party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
