I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
