You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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