he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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