Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
