Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
