Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
