when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
