I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
