You did a strip tease for the toilet.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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